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Midlife Counselling

Are you in the throes of menopause, career confusion, relationship malaise, caring for elderly parents, and empty nesting? Perhaps you are dealing with just one or two of these and feel you can’t cope?

None of these midlife transitions are easy in and of themselves, and yet middle aged women find themselves trying to cope through all of them within a very short period of time.

Is this a cruel twist of fate?

The life transitions women face from their late forties to late fifties can feel devastating, and can often lead to feelings of depression, grief, loneliness, anxiety, low self-esteem, and despair. Yet these life transitions are rarely talked about or taken seriously. We are taught from an early age that the role of wife and mother are the quintessential must-haves, but no one tells us what to do when those roles change and we experience the loss of our childbearing years. The children leave; we realize we haven’t put much into our marriage for a couple of decades; we wonder what on earth we are doing with our career (or if none existed then what do we do now?) and our hormones are wreaking havoc with our bodies and moods. Add to that the challenge of looking after elderly parents and life can suddenly look and feel very different.

Could the midlife crisis have some validity? Sadly, such talk is often infused with jokes and assumptions, which leaves people feeling uneasy about talking about the realities of what can be an extremely difficult time in a woman’s life.

The good news is that midlife can also be a very exciting time for a woman—a time of self-discovery in her personal and spiritual life, her intimate relationships, her career, and her hobbies. But getting there can take time and often requires the support of others to reach this new place of discovery and acceptance. The kind of support where she is heard, seen, and understood.

Empty Nest Syndrome

When children leave home to begin independent lives, the effects on a mother can be akin to grief. A mother is used to being physically present in the lives of her kids, and if she was a stay-at-home-mom, she may well have dedicated every day of the last 20 years to this role. She may now be asking herself what she does now she is no longer needed in the same way—this experience is commonly called empty nest syndrome. Sadness and loneliness are both common feelings as she tries to adjust to this huge change and re-examine her life.

Menopause

Menopause is more than the physical changes that occur in a woman’s body. She may also be grieving the loss of what she perceives as her womanhood and the foundation of her sexuality. Knowing that she will never carry another child can be a huge source of loss for many women. Her body has reminded her monthly over an average of 40 years that she is a child bearer, and then suddenly, she is no longer needed in this role. Add to this some alarming and frustrating symptoms, as well as some major mood swings and we can see why the incidence of depression increases in women at this age.

Relationship Malaise

That decade between the late forties and fifties are when we see the highest rates of divorce in western society. Why? Researchers cite a variety of factors but in all likelihood it is a combination of many of these midlife issues. A focus on childrearing can cause boredom and disconnection in a marriage, as can the pressures of caring for elderly parents, meeting career demands, and dealing with the side effects of menopause. Another factor can also be that midlife is the time when many people re-examine their goals, who they are, and their purpose in life. We can change significantly between the early decades of marriage and babies, and the midlife decades when the move towards an authentic identity is strong. If a couple doesn’t grow and weather the storm together this can cause an irreparable rupture in the relationship.

Career Confusion

Confusion around career may or may not be applicable for women in midlife. Much of it depends on whether she had stayed home to raise children and now finds herself back out in the workplace. She may have worked part time, or in a role that didn’t fulfill her, but it worked due to her demands at home. But now career is no longer in the background; she is thinking about her needs, her goals and her ambitions. Who is she at this stage of her life and what does she want to do?

Unfortunately the challenges of reentering the workplace at this time are many. Skills may need updating and society has little regard for the life skills she has developed outside of the workplace. This is a time when we see women shift careers and choose roles that more closely match her values and worldview. She may decide to retrain, which can add an exciting component to offset some of the challenges of midlife.

Caring for Elders

As a woman approaches menopause her parents often begin to need more care. Whether she is doing the caregiving herself, or simply taking care of arrangements in a facility, this can add a stressful component to a life already in deep transition. Not only is there the worry that accompanies the fading health of parents, there is early grief as she recognizes the inevitability of impending loss. And it may be that she does experience the loss of her parents during these years.

Counselling for Midlife

As we can see, midlife for a woman is a challenging and emotional time. It needs to be approached with compassion and understanding, rather than ridiculed as a “midlife crisis.” Each of the difficult circumstances that contribute to a woman’s experience can impact the next, commonly producing a domino effect. It isn’t necessarily the one thing that is causing her feelings of grief, depression, and loneliness, but a combination of the many changes she must adjust to.

I am passionate about supporting women through this life stage and helping them to see it as a time of opportunity and flourishing in the midst of challenge. I find women often experience low self-esteem during this time and I like to focus on helping her recognize her value outside of her previous roles. In our work together we will address the following:

  • Who you believe yourself to be and who you would like to be
  • Your needs in your close relationships
  • Grief symptoms and how to work through them
  • Confusion around career and next steps
  • How you envision your second half of life

**We will not work on any physical symptoms around menopause. Please visit your family doctor or naturopath to address these.**

Please contact us to book an appointment or free consultation.

Location

Ocean Pointe Business Centre
#404 – 1688 152 St,
Surrey, BC
V4A 4N2

Session Hours

Mon: 10:30am-6:30pm
Tues: 10:30am-6:30pm
Weds: 10:30am-6:30pm
Thurs: 10:30am-6:30pm
Fri: 10:30am-1:00pm

Get in Touch

Phone: (604) 337-0152
Email: info@safehavenbc.com

 



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Anxiety Quiz

1. Feeling nervous, anxious, or on edge.

Not at all sure

Several days

Over half the days

Nearly every day

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2. Not being able to stop or control worrying.

Not at all sure

Several days

Over half the days

Nearly every day

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3. Worrying too much about different things.

Not at all sure

Several days

Over half the days

Nearly every day

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4. Trouble relaxing

Not at all sure

Several days

Over half the days

Nearly every day

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5. Being so restless that it’s hard to sit still

Not at all sure

Several days

Over half the days

Nearly every day

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6. Becoming easily annoyed or irritable.

Not at all sure

Several days

Over half the days

Nearly every day

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7. Feeling afraid as if something awful might happen.

Not at all sure

Several days

Over half the days

Nearly every day

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Depression Quiz

1. Sadness

I do not feel sad.

I feel sad much of the time.

I am sad all the time.

I am so sad or unhappy that I can't stand it.

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2. Pessimism

I am not discouraged about my future.

I feel more discouraged about my future than I used to.

I do not expect things to work out for me.

I feel my future is hopeless and will only get worse.

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3. Past Failure

I do not feel like a failure.

I have failed more than I should have.

As I look back, I see a lot of failures.

I feel I am a total failure as a person.

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4. Loss of Pleasure

I get as much pleasure as I ever did from the things I enjoy.

I don't enjoy things as much as I used to.

I get very little pleasure from the things I used to enjoy.

I can't get any pleasure from the things I used to enjoy.

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5. Guilty Feelings

I don't feel particularly guilty.

I feel guilty over many things I have done or should have done.

I feel quite guilty most of the time.

I feel guilty all of the time.

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6. Punishment Feelings

I don't feel I am being punished.

I feel I may be punished.

I expect to be punished.

I feel I am being punished.

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7. Self-Dislike

I feel the same about myself as ever.

I have lost confidence in myself.

I am disappointed in myself.

I dislike myself.

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8. Self-Criticalness

I don't criticize or blame myself more than usual.

I am more critical of myself than I used to be.

I criticize myself for all of my faults.

I blame myself for everything bad that happens.

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9. Suicidal Thoughts or Wishes

I don't have any thoughts of killing myself.

I have thoughts of killing myself, but I would not carry them out.

I would like to kill myself.

I would kill myself if I had the chance.

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10. Crying

I don't cry anymore than I used to.

I cry more than I used to.

I cry over every little thing.

I feel like crying, but I can't.

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11. Agitation

I am no more restless or wound up than usual.

I feel more restless or wound up than usual.

I am so restless or agitated, it's hard to stay still.

I am so restless or agitated that I have to keep moving or doing something.

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12. Loss of Interest

I have not lost interest in other people or activities.

I am less interested in other people or things than before.

I have lost most of my interest in other people or things.

It's hard to get interested in anything.

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13. Indecisiveness

I make decisions about as well as ever.

I find it more difficult to make decisions than usual.

I have much greater difficulty in making decisions than I used to.

I have trouble making any decisions.

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14. Worthlessness

I do not feel I am worthless.

I don't consider myself as worthwhile and useful as I used to.

I feel more worthless as compared to others.

I feel utterly worthless.

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15. Loss of Energy

I have as much energy as ever.

I have less energy than I used to have.

I don't have enough energy to do very much.

I don't have enough energy to do anything.

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16. Changes in Sleeping Pattern

I have not experienced any change in my sleeping.

I sleep somewhat more than usual.

I sleep somewhat less than usual.

I sleep a lot more than usual.

I sleep a lot less than usual.

I sleep most of the day.

I wake up 1-2 hours early and can't get back to sleep.

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17. Irritability

I am not more irritable than usual.

I am more irritable than usual.

I am much more irritable than usual.

I am irritable all the time.

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18. Changes in Appetite

I have not experienced any change in my appetite.

My appetite is somewhat less than usual.

My appetite is somewhat greater than usual.

My appetite is much less than before.

My appetite is much greater than usual.

I have no appetite at all.

I crave food all the time.

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19. Concentration Difficulty

I can concentrate as well as ever.

I can't concentrate as well as usual.

It's hard to keep my mind on anything for very long.

I find I can't concentrate on anything.

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20. Tiredness or Fatigue

I am no more tired or fatigued than usual.

I get more tired or fatigued more easily than usual.

I am too tired or fatigued to do a lot of the things I used to do.

I am too tired or fatigued to do most of the things I used to do.

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21. Loss of Interest in Sex

I have not noticed any recent change in my interest in sex.

I am less interested in sex than I used to be.

I am much less interested in sex now.

I have lost interest in sex completely.

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